By Vicki Ellis Griffis
Wow, do the years just get crazier and crazier, or
is it just me? I know they fly by faster.
As more and more disturbing sadnesses occurred in
2014 such as: Missing airplanes, ebola,
droughts, Isis beheadings, and losses of such characters as Robin Williams,
Phillip Seymore Hoffman, Joan Rivers, Casey Kasem, and Shirley Temple,
I found that more and more I needed to be carried
away from reality with a good laugh. Not just a chuckle, but something that
really cracked me up.
So, I set out to listen for, discover, and create every
opportunity I could find to laugh and make others start their day laughing,
too.
Here are some of my favorites of 2014:
1. I am proud to say I have obtained the first
thing on my bucket list . . . the bucket.
2.
Friend: Sammy, did you go to New
York with Vicki?
Sammy: No, but I went to the Dairy Queen while she
was gone.
Friend: I didn’t see you post it on Facebook.
Sammy: I don’t like to brag.
3.
When someone asks me what I did over the weekend, I always ask, “Why,
what
did you hear?”
4.
Sammy gets all the luxury he can handle by driving whatever car I think
makes him
look the most married.
5.
Moisturizing . . . because I am still not ready to accept, “For your
age,” as a compliment.
6. I still
haven’t cashed in my winning megamillions ticket . . . scared the $6 will make
my
friends treat me differently.
7.
Help, I am a young woman stuck in a Golden Girls body.
8. I am
“My selfie would look better without me in it” years old.
9.
Sammy said he loved a girl with personality . . . and I have several . .
. so, win-win!
10. Me: You pay more attention to the TV than you
do me.
Him: Ma’am, do you want me to fix your cable or
not?
11. How do I like my eggs? Umm . . . in a cake.
12. Walking into Walmart with my grandkids,
“Remember, kids – use your Target voices.”
13. Sammy doused me in the ice bucket challenge.
I’m a little confused. Has anyone
else been asked to hold a toaster at the same
time?
14. I won’t say someone does not like me, but I
just got nominated for the boiling
water bucket challenge.
15. If you go walking with me, you better be
prepared to walk a lot.
16. Remember children, the best way to get a
puppy for Christmas is to beg for
a baby brother.
17. Ten out of ten pigs prefer turkey bacon over
regular bacon.
18. Sammy says my reality check bounced.
19. Life status: My therapist goes to see her
therapist five minutes after I leave.
20. I learned sign language so I could continue
to fight with Sammy while giving him
the silent treatment.
21.
Sammy: I cannot join Facebook because I might send something, then wish I could
take it back.
Me: If you do, just pray, “Father, forgive
me for I have sent.”
22. I don’t refer to them as the voices in my
head, I call them, My team of writers.
23. I am happy, but not “Oprah just told me to
look under my chair” happy.
24. I don’t think I get enough credit for doing everything I do while being unmedicated.
25. Don’t get any thieves at our house. Our
doorbell is a recording of a shotgun being racked.
26. Can you throw your back out while sucking
your belly in? Asking for a friend.
27. Cute guy waves at me in their car . . . I
wave back, flattered . . . Oops, he was
just
putting his sun visor down . . . my bad!
28. My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell.
Well, she actually told me to eat “less
McDonalds,” but I knew what she
meant.
29. Sammy driving through Kingston . . . sees
where they changed the speed limit sign
to 60. . .looks
at speedometer and says, “Uh, Oh, I am going 62 . . . Oh, yeah,
I am still
WILD!”
And
one last one to wish you a Happy New Year and many more happys on:
30. Sammy: Vicki, if there is one thing that bugs me
about you, it is . . .
Vicki:
. . . that I finish your
sentences?
Sammy: Uh . . . yeah, that, too.
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